Wednesday, October 15

I'm still learning to be me.

I came here for other purposes... I met a boy.
But then I saw it.
I had a "follower".
And it was you...

I'd looked for you before, but I couldn't find you. So I gave up.
I don't know if I'm glad I made that choice.

I don't know if I'm still changing for the bad.
I don't know if you still hope for a brighter future.

We're friends now; at least I think.
I don't really know.

I don't know if I'm worse or better.
I don't know if I'm a friend or enemy.
I don't even know if I am who I am.

I do know something.. I love you.
I forget the last time you said those words.

So please let me know..
Am I better?
Because I truly hope I am.
I'll admit I changed.
And I'm still trying to find who I am.

But, I finally got to where I'm pretty damn happy.
I have new friends.
I think I still have old friends.

I expected this year to be lonely.
But I'm having more fun than I could have imagined.

I'm sorry for everything.
I hope we've reached the better times.
'Cause god damn, I miss those old ones.

Saturday, October 11

New friends and updates.

All summer, I felt out of it..
I didn't have friends.
I didn't have fun.
I didn't have happiness.
I didn't have love.
But now.. It's all coming back to me.
I have friends.
I have fun.
I have happiness.
I have fun.
There are new people in my life, and I like them. I suppose I've been officially initiated as a friend.. We had a sleep over last night.
And EVEN THOUGH she had a tragedy, we still had fun. And we got through it together. And.. I haven't felt like I was truly able to support someone like that for a while. And I feel that if I need it, they'll all be there for me too. And they actually have been.
I liked another boy. And I think he liked me back. But I almost ruined it.. And I think we're just friends now. He's too busy, according to my friend. But she won't say exactly what was said. And I don't know exactly how he feels.
I still hurt from everything that's happened over the past six months... But it's getting better. And I'm getting better.

Hearts. <3